Time to Kill Kindness?

By Mo Edjlali, Mindful Leader Founder & CEO

Picture this: You're walking down a hallway, and suddenly you're surrounded by pastel-colored posters screaming "BE KIND!" at you from every angle. Are you in a kindergarten? A psychiatric ward? Or perhaps some Orwellian nightmare where Big Brother has been replaced by a giant smiley face?

Okay, okay, I admit it - that title is a bit click-baity. We're not actually advocating for the death of kindness here (put down those pitchforks, please). But stick with me, because we're about to embark on a journey that might just change the way you think about those ubiquitous kindness campaigns.

In this article, we're going to challenge the very foundations of our modern kindness crusade. We'll uncover the hidden pitfalls of those well-meaning but simplistic "be kind" messages, dive into the provocative insights of organizational psychologist Adam Grant (spoiler: he's not buying the vague niceness directives), and dust off an ancient principle that makes our pastel posters look like child's play. By the end, you might just find yourself armed with a perspective that turns you into the office rebel – in the best way possible. So, if you've ever felt a twinge of irritation at yet another rainbow-hued reminder to "spread kindness like confetti," or if you're simply curious about a more nuanced approach to human interaction, join us in getting wackful with kindness.

The Kindness Saturation

Let's face it: we're drowning in a sea of saccharine sweetness. The "be kind" message has infiltrated every aspect of our lives:

• Workplace posters that make you feel like you've stepped into a preschool
• Social media hashtag campaigns (#BeKind) that are about as deep as a puddle
• Corporate marketing slogans that smell suspiciously like virtue signaling
• Self-help book titles promising to transform you into a kindness superhero
• Elementary school programs that seem to assume all children are budding sociopaths

But why the eye-rolling? Why does this well-intentioned message make so many of us want to do the exact opposite? Let's turn to the wisdom of organizational psychologist Adam Grant to unpack this kindness conundrum.

The Grant Perspective

Adam Grant, Wharton professor and author of "Give and Take," might furrow his brow at our current kindness obsession. Here's why:

• Vagueness breeds inaction: • "Be kind" is about as helpful as telling someone to "be successful" • Grant emphasizes the need for specific, actionable guidance
• Context is king: • Blanket kindness statements ignore situational nuances • What's kind in one context might be enabling or even harmful in another
• The unintended consequences: • Grant warns against "indiscriminate giving" • Always saying yes to requests isn't kindness—it's a recipe for burnout
• Kindness as a skill, not a slogan: • Grant views prosocial behavior as a competency to be developed • Posters don't teach skills; they just create noise
• The impact invisibility: • People are motivated by understanding the effects of their actions • "Be kind" fails to illustrate the tangible results of prosocial behavior
• The reciprocity principle: • Grant's research shows the power of mutual benefit • One-sided kindness messaging misses this crucial aspect of human interaction

So, if kindness campaigns are out, what's in? Let's travel back in time and across cultures to rediscover a timeless gem: The Golden Rule.

The Golden Rule Renaissance

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." It's not just a catchy phrase—it's a moral principle that's stood the test of time and transcended cultural boundaries. But where did it come from, and why has it endured?

Historical Context

The Golden Rule has a rich and diverse history, appearing in various forms across cultures and religions:

• Ancient Egypt (c. 2040-1650 BCE): "That which you hate to be done to you, do not do to another."
• Ancient Greece: Philosopher Thales (c. 624-c. 546 BCE) advised, "Avoid doing what you would blame others for doing."
• Confucianism: Confucius (551-479 BCE) stated, "Do not do to others what you do not want done to yourself."
• Buddhism: Buddha (563-483 BCE) taught, "Treat not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful."
• Judaism: Rabbi Hillel (c. 110 BCE-10 CE) famously said, "What is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow."
• Christianity: Jesus Christ (c. 4 BCE-33 CE) preached, "Do to others as you would have them do to you."
• Islam: Prophet Muhammad (570-632 CE) said, "None of you [truly] believes until he wishes for his brother what he wishes for himself."

Philosophical Underpinnings

The Golden Rule isn't just a religious concept. It's found a home in secular philosophy too:

• Immanuel Kant's Categorical Imperative: "Act only according to that maxim by which you can at the same time will that it should become a universal law."
• John Stuart Mill's Utilitarianism: While not directly stating the Golden Rule, his philosophy of maximizing overall happiness aligns closely with its principles.

Why It Works: Insights from Research

Prominent researchers have explored why the Golden Rule is so effective:

• Martin Nowak (Harvard University): • His work on the evolution of cooperation suggests that reciprocity, a key component of the Golden Rule, is fundamental to human social behavior. • The Golden Rule provides a simple heuristic for navigating complex social interactions.
• Frans de Waal (Emory University): • His research on empathy in primates suggests that the Golden Rule taps into our innate capacity for perspective-taking. • The rule's simplicity makes it easily understandable and applicable across different cognitive abilities.
• Jonathan Haidt (NYU Stern School of Business): • His Moral Foundations Theory suggests that the Golden Rule appeals to multiple moral intuitions, particularly care and fairness. • The rule's presence across cultures indicates its alignment with fundamental human moral instincts.
• Barbara Fredrickson (University of North Carolina): • Her "broaden-and-build" theory of positive emotions suggests that practices like the Golden Rule can create upward spirals of prosocial behavior.
• Robert Cialdini (Arizona State University): • His work on the principle of reciprocity aligns closely with the Golden Rule's implicit promise of mutual benefit.

Why the Golden Rule Trumps "Be Kind"

Now that we've taken a whirlwind tour through history and academia, let's break down why the Golden Rule leaves those pastel kindness posters in the dust:

1. Actionable guidance: 
• Provides a clear decision-making framework 
• Encourages active perspective-taking
2. Universal applicability:
• Adaptable to various contexts and cultures 
• Transcends specific situations or behaviors
3. Promotes empathy and reflection
• Requires considering others' perspectives 
• Encourages self-reflection on one's own desires and needs
4. Balanced reciprocity: 
• Implies mutual benefit and social harmony
• Aligns with Grant's concept of "otherish" giving
5. Intrinsic motivation: 
• Provides a rationale for ethical behavior
• More compelling than extrinsic appeals to "be nice"
6. Sustainability: 
• Inherently includes respect for one's own boundaries 
• Helps prevent the burnout associated with indiscriminate kindness

Conclusion: Golden Rules for a New Era

It's time to bid farewell to the era of kindergarten-esque kindness campaigns. These one-dimensional, simplistic messages not only insult our intelligence but also open the door to virtue signaling, self-righteousness, and even shame-based behavior modification.

Instead, let's return to the wisdom that has guided human interaction for millennia. The Golden Rule offers a nuanced, adaptable framework for prosocial behavior that addresses the complexities of human relationships far better than any pastel poster ever could.

So the next time you're tempted to plaster "Be Kind" across your office walls, pause and consider: Would you want to be treated like a five-year-old who needs constant reminders to play nice? If not, then perhaps it's time to embrace a more golden approach to human interaction.

Who knows? By ditching the simplistic slogans and embracing a principle that's stood the test of time, we might just create a world that's not only kinder but also more thoughtful, empathetic, and genuinely connected.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some kindness posters to repurpose. Anyone need some very colorful scratch paper?